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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726856">let me love you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestlydarkprincess/pseuds/honestlydarkprincess'>honestlydarkprincess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy Blake Takes Care of Clarke Griffin, Bitterness, Clarke Griffin is Bad at Feelings, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings Realization, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Bellamy Blake, Hurt Clarke Griffin, Jealous Clarke Griffin, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Mental Health Issues, Minor Bellamy Blake/Gina Martin, Minor Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, relationships are complicated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestlydarkprincess/pseuds/honestlydarkprincess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy drunkenly confesses his feelings, Clarke doesn't handle it very well, and they have a nasty fight when Bellamy tries to move on. After not speaking for months, Bellamy finds himself very surprised to be on the receiving end of a call from Abby Griffin, who begs him to check on Clarke.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Gina Martin, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let me love you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey y'all! </p>
<p>Two stories in one month? Whaaaaaaat?! </p>
<p>Yeah, idk what this is. The idea came to me in the shower of all places and it didn't turn out exactly like I pictured it when I first thought of the idea. But anyway, that's the way it goes and I'm mostly satisfied with how it turned out. </p>
<p>Is this edited? Absolutely not. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone. </p>
<p>Enjoy! ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Bellamy got a call from a private number on a random Friday evening, his first instinct was to ignore it. However, against his better judgement he found himself pressing 'accept call' and preparing himself to hang up on a telemarketer that had somehow gotten his number. </p>
<p>"Hello?"</p>
<p>To his immense surprise, an almost-familiar woman’s voice replied, "Hi, is this Bellamy Blake?" </p>
<p>"Uh, yes," He said, his curiosity spiking. He didn’t get a lot of calls, his friend group and coworkers preferring to text. "Who is this?" </p>
<p>"This is Abby Griffin…Clarke’s mom?"</p>
<p>"Oh, hi, what can I do for you, Ms Griffin?" Bellamy didn’t know what else to say. Clarke’s mother was the absolute last person he would have ever expected to receive a call from. </p>
<p>"I’m sorry to have to ask this but could you do me a huge favour?"</p>
<p>"Uh…"</p>
<p>"Could you check on Clarke? I know you two had a bit of a falling out but I’m at a conference right now and Clarke isn’t answering any of my calls," Abby said softly, taking a steadying breath before continuing. "She hasn’t been doing so well lately and I’m really worried about her. I’m sure she’s fine but I just have a bad feeling and I’m not there to check on her right now. Could you just check on her, please? She might answer your calls, she’s always had a soft spot for you."</p>
<p>Bellamy’s confusion increased with each word that spilled from Abby’s mouth. Not only was saying that Bellamy and Clarke had had a falling out was putting it lightly but the few times that Bellamy had actually seen Clarke since their fight, even if they hadn’t talked, she had looked like she was doing fine. </p>
<p>Bellamy shrugged off his confusion for a moment and turned his attention back to the woman waiting for a response. "Yes, of course, right away." </p>
<p>Abby let out of sigh of relief. "Thank you, Bellamy. Truly. Can you give me a call if she’s okay? If she’s not, I’ll leave my conference early and come straight back." </p>
<p>"No need, Ms. Griffin. I’ll take care of her, I promise," Bellamy replied swiftly. He knew that even if Abby meant well, her presence would most likely just agitate Clarke if she was already in a bad mood. Their relationship had improved significantly over the years but things still got a bit strained when it came to Clarke’s mental health or life choices. </p>
<p>"Thank you, Bellamy. I won’t forget this."</p>
<p>"Anytime," Bellamy got out before the line went dead. </p>
<p>Sighing, Bellamy gathered his wallet, keys, and shrugged on a hoodie before locking up his apartment and heading to his truck. </p>
<p>The entire drive to Clarke’s apartment, Bellamy couldn’t stop thinking about the last two times he and Clarke had actually talked to each other.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>oOoOoOo</p>
</div>A few months ago, after getting drunk one night, Bellamy had stupidly confessed his feelings to Clarke. He had been in love with her for years and had successfully kept it a secret, even from his sister, but apparently he was no match for multiple tequila shots.<p>Clarke had just broken up with Finn; finding out after a few months of seeing each other that he actually already had a girlfriend of five years, who was doing an apprenticeship program abroad. Clarke had been heartbroken. Not so much because she was in love with Finn, she had explained, but because she had been used to cheat on his girlfriend. Clarke had never been the other woman before and it wasn’t something she had ever wanted to be in the first place. </p>
<p>Clarke had come over to his place that night. They got drunk, watched movies, and shit talked Finn for hours. It was their post-breakup ritual. </p>
<p>Clarke had slowly moved closer and closer to him throughout the night until finally she was practically draped over Bellamy’s side. </p>
<p>"Maybe I’m just not going to find the perfect person, you know? Everyone I’ve gone out with the past few years have been terrible. I think they’re so great in the beginning and then time goes by, and they’re nothing like I thought they were. Do I have bad taste in partners?" Clarke asked, looking at him with those sad, blue eyes.</p>
<p>"You don’t have bad taste in partners, princess," Bellamy sighed, bringing his arm to curl around her shoulders, pulling her tighter against his side. "You just haven’t met the right person yet. It’ll happen, you just have to give it time."</p>
<p>"But what if I don’t even know what to look for? Like, how am I supposed to know what kind of person is the right person?" Clarke pouted, burrowing closer against him. </p>
<p>"Well, I think when you know, you know," Bellamy said, hesitating slightly before continuing, "You need someone who realizes that you’re strong as fuck and can take care of yourself but who will be there to support you whenever you need. Someone who you can laugh with and have inside jokes with. Someone who you can be comfortable and goofy with but who can also handle your bad days. Someone who understands why you’ll stay up for 24 hours straight to finish a painting but give up on a book if the first chapter is too boring…" Bellamy trailed as he caught himself starting to ramble. He needed to reel it it. </p>
<p>Clarke laughed softly. "You sound like you’re describing yourself. That’s literally you." </p>
<p>Bellamy swallowed roughly, hesitating for a moment. Logically, he knew that now was not the best time to talk about this. Confessing your long-held feelings for your best friend when you’re both drunk and one has just had a bad breakup is never a good idea. Nevertheless, Bellamy found himself blurting out, "Maybe I am."</p>
<p>There was a brief silence before Clarke pulled away slightly so she could look him in the eye. "W-what do you mean? Maybe you’re what?"</p>
<p>Bellamy sighed, closing his eyes. It was now or never. Either he laughed it off or he finally told her. He was tired of keeping it a secret and in his drunk state, he made a decision that, sober, he probably wouldn’t have. "I mean…I maybe I can be that person for you, Clarke. I’m in love with you."</p>
<p>The answering silence was brutal. Clarke’s mouth opened and closed multiple times, and Bellamy could see her searching for a response. The silence stretched on and Bellamy’s nerves kicked in, making him start to ramble. </p>
<p>"I know we had a rocky start but I think a part of me always recognized that you were something special and I got scared. That’s why I spent a majority of my first time meeting you egging you on and teasing you. I just…there was something about you that drew me in and I didn’t know how to handle it. Then we became friends and I thought maybe the feelings would go away with time because I’ve loved being your friend, I really have. You’re my best friend. But my feelings just never went away. They kept getting stronger. I don’t really know when it was that I fell in love with you but it’s been a while," Bellamy cut himself off, feeling panic start to kick in the longer Clarke kept quiet. </p>
<p>"Why are you telling me now?" Clarke whispered, still looking so lost. </p>
<p>Bellamy felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. "I just…I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know, Clarke. I just couldn’t go another day without telling you." </p>
<p>Clarke stood up suddenly, and Bellamy immediately missed her warmth. He stood up as well and crossed his arms self consciously, watching Clarke for something, anything to let him know where she stood. He realized that this probably wasn’t the best time to bring this up, she wasn’t in the best mind-set to begin with but, deep down, he had still been hoping that she felt the same way. That she just hadn’t said anything because she was worried that it would ruin their friendship or something. </p>
<p>However, the longer Bellamy stood there, he started to think that maybe she didn’t feel the same way. That all those little moments between them where he thought he had sensed something more than just friendship had actually just been friendship. Maybe he had been wrong.</p>
<p>"I-I have to go," Clarke said, looking around for her purse and jacket. "I can’t deal with this right now."</p>
<p>"Clarke, I’m sorry," Bellamy pleaded, watching her with sad eyes as she tugged on her shoes. "I get it if you don’t feel the same way, but please don’t leave. We can pretend I never said anything, it’ll be like it never happened."</p>
<p>"I’m sorry, Bellamy," Clarke mumbled, opening the door to his apartment and turning back to give him one last look. She opened her mouth to say something but decided against it, shutting her mouth and fleeing the apartment. </p>
<p>Bellamy stood there, shocked and confused, wondering if all of that had really just happened. </p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>oOoOoOo</p>
</div>After a few weeks of radio silence from Clarke, Bellamy finally saw her again. Of course that happened to be the same night he was bringing his new girlfriend to the bar to meet his friends.<p>After Clarke had walked out on him, Bellamy had realized that he couldn’t keep holding out for someone who didn’t feel the same way. That wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to Clarke. He needed to move on. </p>
<p>Bellamy had met Gina on his way home from work one night, having stopped into a small coffee shop to grab a much needed pick-me-up after a long day. Gina was pretty and had flirted with him, writing her number on his to-go cup. Bellamy hadn’t been sure he was actually going to call her, but after yet another night of no response to any of the texts he had sent Clarke, Bellamy found himself dialling her number. </p>
<p>They met the next evening for a dinner date and it had been nice. Not spectacular, Bellamy couldn’t help but feel that he had a lot more fun in a 20-minute interaction with Clarke than he did on a whole date with Gina but that wasn’t Gina’s fault. That was Bellamy’s stupid unresolved feelings getting in the way. </p>
<p>He pushed the thoughts of how he wished he was sitting across from Clarke instead of Gina and made himself focus on the woman in front of him. Either Gina didn’t puck up on his turmoil or she ignored it, but they made plans for a second date. </p>
<p>Soon enough, Bellamy found himself asking Gina to be his girlfriend, even though, if he was truly honest with himself, he was still hung up on Clarke. Gina agreed and they made plans for Bellamy to introduce her to his friends. </p>
<p>That night ended up being a disaster. Monty had promised that Clarke said she couldn’t make it and that she was not going to be there, so when Bellamy walked into the bar and saw her sitting at the table with their friends, he froze. </p>
<p>He forced himself to relax and led Gina over to the table. "Hey, guys!" </p>
<p>A chorus of greetings rang out around them, with Clarke’s voice noticeably missing. Clarke was looking at Gina with shock and hurt. Monty must have not said anything about Bellamy bringing his new girlfriend. </p>
<p>"Everyone, this is Gina. Gina, everyone," Bellamy introduced awkwardly. The tension at the table was uncomfortable as everyone glanced between Bellamy and Clarke, wondering what was going on. </p>
<p>"Hi, Gina," Monty said, a little too enthusiastically. Anything to get this awkward tension to dissipate even a little. "Sit down, I’ll get a round of drinks. What is everyone having?" </p>
<p>A round of drinks and proper introductions later, conversation was flowing a little bit smoother. Clarke was silent, choosing to use the straw in her drink to push the ice around instead of engaging in the conversation. Bellamy’s body felt tight and restless, it was weird seeing Clarke after so long. He ached to ask her how she was doing but as the night went on and she continued to be cold to Gina, stilted and short in any response she had to give to a question she  politely avoid answering, Bellamy found himself starting to get a bit pissed off. </p>
<p>When Clarke offered to get the next round and made her way to the bar, Bellamy excused himself from the table to talk to her. They needed to sort things out, otherwise it was going to be unbearable if it was was like this every time they saw each other. </p>
<p>Bellamy made his way over to her, coming to stand beside her. Clarke avoided looking at him, even though he knew she knew he was there. "Hey," He said softly, trying to get her attention. </p>
<p>"Hi." She replied, giving him a small glance before looking away again. </p>
<p>Bellamy sighed, anger rising once again. "Okay, what’s your problem, Clarke?" </p>
<p>"Nothing is my problem, Bellamy. I’m fine." </p>
<p>"You’re clearly not fine. You’ve been cold and distant all night and you have replied to a single text message or phone call in almost a month," Bellamy huffed out, irritation mounting as she continued to act aloof. </p>
<p>"I just think it’s a little…rude. That’s all." </p>
<p>"Rude?" Bellamy asked, bewildered.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Bellamy! Rude!" Clarke exclaimed, giving him her full attention for the first time since she walked out of his apartment that night all those weeks ago. "You tell me you’re in love with me and a few weeks later you’re here parading this random girl right in front of me?!" </p>
<p>Bellamy was shocked. "I’m not parading her, I’m dating her. I didn’t even know you were going to be here tonight! You haven’t talked to me in weeks and Monty said you didn’t want to come," He fired back, upset with how this conversation was going. Of all the things he thought she would say when they finally each other again, he had never anticipated this. </p>
<p>"I’ve been…I’ve been busy," Clarke said weakly, crossing her arms protectively and refusing to make eye contact. </p>
<p>Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Busy? That’s what you’re going with? Clarke, you’re always busy. That’s never stopped you from talking to me before so find another excuse." </p>
<p>Clarke opened her mouth to interrupt but Bellamy held up a hand to stop her. "Don’t. Don’t lie to me, okay? I get it, Clarke, I do. You don’t feel the same way. I am very much adult enough to take the rejection so you don’t have to make an excuse. But you can’t be mad at me for moving on. That’s not fair. I deserve to find someone that will actually love me back." </p>
<p>"I never said I didn’t…" Clarke trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. </p>
<p>"Yeah, Clarke, you kind of did," Bellamy said, keeping his voice soft. "You ran out of my apartment and didn’t talk to me for weeks. I know that that night wasn’t the best night to have told you how I felt but your response was received loud and clear. So, I moved on." </p>
<p>"Yeah, you certainly moved on fast," Clarke said bitterly. Bellamy tensed. "Hey, that’s not fair. You can’t get mad at me for moving on. Fuck you, Clarke. You can’t reject someone and then get upset when they accept that rejection! That’s not how that works," Bellamy exclaimed, exasperated and shocked by how this conversation had turned out. He honestly couldn’t believe that <em>she</em> was upset with <em>him</em> right now. </p>
<p>"Yeah, well, I guess you didn’t really love me if all it took was a few weeks before you were on to the next girl!" </p>
<p>Bellamy scoffed. "Seriously? Fuck you, Clarke." He shook his head in disbelief. "Don’t you dare say that I never actually loved you. Because I did. I really fucked did. But you don’t want to be with me. I get that, I completely respect that. However, I’m not going to apologize for moving on. I deserve to be happy too. I had hoped that we could be friends but if you’re going to be like this, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore," Bellamy finished his speech with a note of finality, somewhat shocked that these words were actually coming out of his mouth. He didn’t want to not see Clarke, that’s the last thing he wanted. But he also didn’t know how to be around her anymore, especially if she was going to be upset with him for trying to move on. </p>
<p>Bellamy walked away without giving Clarke a chance to respond and she watched him go back to Gina, put his arm around her and jump back into the conversation. </p>
<p>Clarke found herself holding back tears. She turned back to the bar and waved down the bartender, who was just finishing up their drinks. She asked them to deliver the drinks to the table and paid what she owed, signing her name on the receipt through blurry eyes, the tears threatening to fall. </p>
<p>Clarke thanked the bartender and left, taking one last look a the table with her friends, the man she had been too slow to realize she was in love with, and his new girlfriend. She saw the looks of confusion when the server brought over their drinks instead of her. Bellamy looked at the door, making eye contact with Clarke. </p>
<p>Clarke could only hold his eye for a moment before the tears that had been threatening to fall actually fell. She left the bar and called a cab, crying silently during the ride back to her apartment. </p>
<p>She had been so stupid. </p>
<p>How could she have let Bellamy slip away?</p>
<p>It’s not like she didn’t love him back. She did, she desperately loved him. But she had felt that way for so long that she hadn’t been able to identify her feelings as love at first. </p>
<p>When Bellamy had told her how he felt that night, it was a huge shock. That was the last thing she had been expecting to hear. Her emotions were already all jumbled up and the tequila was making her head foggy. She needed a second to gather her thoughts, so she did what she always did when she couldn’t handle what was happening, she left. </p>
<p>Clarke had wholeheartedly intended to go back and see him as soon as she finished processing everything. But she felt so guilty about leaving the way she had and she didn’t know how to explain things so they didn’t seem like she was rejecting him. Because, if she loved him back, wouldn’t she have been able to just tell him that that night? She didn’t know how to explain why she needed time to process things. </p>
<p>She got scared and she avoided him instead of owning up to her mistake and talking to him. More and more days had passed and Clarke’s anxiety continued to get worse as now she hadn’t just walked out that night, now she was ignoring his texts, and it just kept snowballing until it had been weeks since she had actually seen him, talked to him. </p>
<p>When Monty mentioned a bar night, Clarke figured it was her opportunity to talk to Bellamy. And then, of course, she checked out. She couldn’t have the first time she saw Bellamy after everything be in front of everyone. So she told Monty she wasn’t going to make it and thought that was that. </p>
<p>As the bar night approached, though, Clarke started second guessing herself. Maybe it would be easier to have others there when she saw him, it would give them a bit of a buffer. She imagined he wouldn’t exactly be ecstatic to see her, not without some serious explaining on her part first. </p>
<p>On the night of, Clarke decided to just say fuck it and go. </p>
<p>The absolute last thing she had expected was for Bellamy to walk in with a beautiful girl by his side, introducing her as his girlfriend. Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe. </p>
<p>She knew was being unfair and a bit childish by pouting but she couldn’t help it. She offered to get the next round just to have a chance to escape the table and take a breather. She wasn’t anticipating Bellamy coming over to confront her, but once it was happening she couldn’t stop herself. Her bitterness and hurt spilling over and making her say things she didn’t want to say. </p>
<p>The look of anger and hurt on Bellamy’s face after Clarke bitterly snarked about him moving on 'too fast' just about broke her heart. The last thing she had ever wanted to do was hurt him and lately that seemed to be all she was capable of doing. She was just confused, hurt, and quite frankly, jealous. She had never handled jealously and clearly this time was no exception. </p>
<p>When Bellamy walked away from her after saying that they shouldn’t see each other anymore, Clarke felt worse than she had in a very, very long time. This is not at all how the night was supposed to have gone. Not even close. </p>
<p>When she got home that night, Clarke grabbed a bottle of vodka and curled up on the couch. She got drunk and watched Netflix until she eventually cried herself to sleep.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>oOoOoOo</p>
</div>Bellamy pulled himself from his thoughts and realized he was at Clarke’s apartment.<p>Turning off the engine, Bellamy sat there for a minute. He was definitely going to go and see her, but he needed a minute to prepare himself. He hadn’t seen Clarke since that horrible night at the bar. </p>
<p>Even though Clarke hadn’t been exactly fair to him, and logically he knew he had made the right move, he still couldn’t help but feel guilty about that night. He wished they could have talked before that night, before he showed up with Gina. If nothing else than to just clear the air. Now they hadn’t seen each other in months and Bellamy didn’t really know how Clarke was going to react to seeing him. </p>
<p>He had broken up with Gina a few weeks after that night at the bar. She was a wonderful girl but Bellamy couldn’t deny the fact that his heart still belonged to Clarke. It wasn’t fair to Gina, he needed to move on emotionally first before he started trying to get into another relationship. </p>
<p>All Bellamy had wanted to do after his breakup was talk to Clarke; he needed his best friend. He was reminded of just why he had waited so long to tell her his feelings: he lost the best friend he had ever had. Maybe if he had told her in another way, they might have been able to stay friends. </p>
<p>Pushing all of that aside, Bellamy took a deep breath and exited his car. Right now he needed to focus on making sure Clarke was okay. </p>
<p>Bellamy knocked when he got up to her apartment but wasn’t all that surprised when he didn’t get an answer. He had seen her car in the parking lot when he arrived so he knew she was home. </p>
<p>Digging out his keys, Bellamy found the spare key that Clarke had given him after she’d moved into this place. He hadn’t used it before and wasn’t exactly confident that this was the best time to use it for the first time, but he ignored the voice in his head and unlocked the door.</p>
<p>Stepping inside, Bellamy called out, "Clarke?"</p>
<p>The apartment was mostly dark but the kitchen light was on, illuminating the mess of dishes piled up in the sink. Bellamy locked the door behind him as he kicked off his shoes and took a look around. </p>
<p>Simply put, the apartment was a mess. There were dishes in the sink, a stack of mail haphazardly tossed on the table, empty liquor bottles and takeout containers littered the coffee table, and a huge pile of laundry on the couch waiting to be folded. </p>
<p>Bellamy sighed, worry and concern increasing as he made his way towards Clarke’s bedroom, pausing on his way there to put the food he had brought her in the fridge. He made a mental note to go grocery shopping as he took in the scant contents of Clarke’s fridge. </p>
<p>Bellamy shrugged off his leather jacket and draped it over the arm chair in the living room before walking towards Clarke’s room. </p>
<p>The door wasn’t fully closed so Bellamy pushed it open slowly, knocking lightly. He didn’t want to scare her. "Clarke?"</p>
<p>He heard a sniffle come the direction of the bed and made his way towards the Clarke shaped lump in the middle of the bed. She was curled up under a mountain of blankets and was clutching a framed picture of the two of them that Bellamy knew she had kept on her bedside table. There was a bit of light coming from the lamp on the nightstand, casting a warm glow around the room. </p>
<p>Bellamy eased himself onto her bed, sitting beside her curled from. They were quiet for a moment before Clarke croaked out, "What are you doing here?" </p>
<p>"Your mom called me," Bellamy said softly, unable to keep himself from reaching over to turk her hair away from her face. "She’s really worried about you." </p>
<p>Clarke choked on a sob. "I’m sorry. You can leave, I’ll call her. Don’t worry." </p>
<p>Bellamy sighed. "Clarke, I’m obviously not leaving you. I know I’m probably the last person you want here right now but you’re still my best friend. I want to make sure you’re okay," Bellamy murmured, hoping that she wasn’t about to kick him out. </p>
<p>But Clarke just started crying harder. "I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, about everything." </p>
<p>Bellamy gathered her in his arms and moved them until he was sitting against the headboard with Clarke curled against his chest. At first he half-expected her to push him away but as soon as he had his arms around her, she melted against him. He let her cry and just held her against him, combing his fingers gently through her tangled hair. </p>
<p>After a little while, her cries turned to sniffles and Bellamy pressed a kiss to her hair. "Why don’t you go take a hot shower and I’ll make you something to eat? Then we can talk." </p>
<p>"Okay," Clarke agreed easily, pulling herself away from his embrace and getting out of bed. She looked around self-consciously and crossed her arms. "I’m sorry for the mess, I…I’ve just been really busy lately," She lied weakly, knowing that he probably saw right through her. </p>
<p>"Don’t apologize, Clarke, it’s okay," Bellamy assured her, nudging her towards the bathroom. "Just focus on a shower for now. One step at a time." </p>
<p>Clarke nodded, still looking shy, but he did as he asked and grabbed some clean clothes, closing the bathroom door behind her. </p>
<p>As soon as he heard the water turn on, Bellamy went into the kitchen to make her some food, as promised. He put together a sandwich and left some f the soup he had brought heating up on the stove while he set about tidying up. </p>
<p>He washed the dishes in the sink and folded the laundry on her couch. He made her bed and placed the folded laundry there, as he wasn’t one hundred percent sure where everything went and didn’t want to put it away in the wrong place. </p>
<p>While he worked, he made mental notes of other things that needed to be done: the trash and recycling needed to be taken out, her sheets could probably use a wash, Bellamy knew she hated doing that. The placed definitely needed to be vacuumed and dusted, and her cupboards were out of almost everything, so a grocery shop was a must.</p>
<p>By the time Clarke emerged from her room, Bellamy had gotten the apartment tidied up and was working on a grocery list. It wasn’t perfect but, assuming Clarke wasn’t about to kick him out, he was already planning to come back tomorrow and finish the other stuff on the list. </p>
<p>Clarke was quiet as he put the sandwiches onto plates and the soup into bowls. She helped him carry the food to the now cleared off table and thanked him softly when he handed her a glass of water. They ate in relative silence, Bellamy aching for her to say something, anything, but knowing it would be better if Clarke was the one to initiate the conversation. </p>
<p>The silence continued as they cleaned up after they finished eating. When they were done, though, Clarke hesitantly asked, "Do you, um, do you want to watch a movie or something?" She was clearly nervous, expecting him to say no. </p>
<p>"Sure," Bellamy agreed easily, relieved that she hadn’t asked him to leave. </p>
<p>They got a movie set up, some random film on Netflix that they could pretend to watch while they both worked up the courage to be the first one to speak. </p>
<p>About twenty minutes into the movie, Bellamy couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn’t take her nervous fidgeting anymore, and found himself blurting out, "Look, we need to talk." </p>
<p>Clarke sighed. "Yeah, I know." </p>
<p>"What happened, Clarke? What’s going on?" Bellamy asked desperately, steeling himself for whatever she was going to say next. </p>
<p>"I fucked up, Bellamy," Clarke groaned, turning her head to look at him. "I fucked up bad." </p>
<p>"Just talk to me, Clarke. Be honest with me, please. I can’t take this weirdness between us anymore," Bellamy pleaded with her. "You’re my best friend and this is the first time I’ve seen you in months. I know I freaked you out when I told you…what I told you that night."</p>
<p>Clarke cut him off before he could continue. "You didn’t freak me out, Bellamy."</p>
<p>"Of course I did, Clarke! Why the fuck else would you have ignored me for months?!" Bellamy found himself raising his voice, finally having had enough. He was confused, hurt, and he desperately needed to understand what was going on. </p>
<p>"Because I’m in love with you too, okay!" Clarke yelled back, throwing her hands up in defeat. </p>
<p>"W-what?" Bellamy was shocked. "Then why did you run away?" </p>
<p>"Because I…because I got scared. I was confused, my emotions were all messed up that night because of Finn, it’s not everyday you find out that the guy you’re seeing already has a girlfriend!" Clarke exclaimed, slouching back against the couch and continuing in a quieter voice. "I wasn’t in love with him or anything, but it still sucked. And then suddenly you’re there, saying everything I’ve dreamed you’d say for years and I was drunk, everything was foggy. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran." </p>
<p>Bellamy was quiet for a second, trying to process everything. "Okay, I get that. Telling you that night was a mistake, I know that now. But if you felt the same way, why did you avoid me?" </p>
<p>"I just needed some to process everything, sort out my feelings. You know me, Bell, I’m not exactly good at feelings," Clarke explained, willing him to understand. "I’ve been in love with you for so long that I didn’t even realize I was in love with you. I know that doesn’t really make sense but…and then once I finally got my thoughts together, I couldn’t figure out how to go to you, explain why I left, and that I wasn’t rejecting you, I just needed some time." </p>
<p>Bellamy didn’t speak, he stared as his hands in thought, so Clarke continued. </p>
<p>"I just…didn’t know how to talk to you. I didn’t think you’d see that I wasn’t rejecting you, I was just confused. Then so much time had passed and I felt like I had missed my chance. I went to the bar that night to talk to you, explain myself. I wanted to tell you that I love you too, because of course I do, Bellamy. You’re my best friend. You’re everything to me. You coming into my life was the best thing that ever happened to me," Clarke was rambling at this point but she just couldn’t stop herself. Now that she was talking to him, explaining herself, she couldn’t stop. "But that night, you came in with <em>her</em>. And I was so rude to you. I was selfish, bitter, and jealous. I acted out and I was mean. After that, all I wanted to do was call you and apologize; but I’m a coward and I couldn’t do it. Weeks and weeks went by and I still couldn’t do it. I know I fucked up my chance with you but can we go back to being friends? Or at least try? I miss you so fucking much." </p>
<p>Clarke forced herself to stop talking, feeling tears start to well up in her eyes. Her throat felt tight and her heart felt like it was trying to beat out of her chest. She wrapped her arms protectively against her stomach, preparing herself for Bellamy to tell her she was too late, even to just be friends. </p>
<p>"Fuck, Clarke," Bellamy sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. "You didn’t lose your chance with me, and I would do anything to keep you in my life. I want my best friend back too." </p>
<p>Clarke looked at him, slightly disbelievingly. "You’d actually forgive me? Even after I was such a bitch to you about Gina? After all those horrible things I said?"</p>
<p>"I was mostly hurt about how you doubted my feelings for you, that you thought I hadn’t actually loved you. Gina and I were never serious." Bellamy said, taking a breath and hesitating before admitting, "I lied to you that night."</p>
<p>Clarke’s brow furrowed with confusion. </p>
<p>"I never got over you. I never moved on. You’re the love of my life, Clarke. You’re it for me." </p>
<p>Clarke felt her eyes fill with happy tears for the first time in months and her lips stretched into a giant smile. "I love you too, Bellamy. So fucking much."</p>
<p>Bellamy pulled her towards her and Clarke settled herself in his lap. It felt like coming home. </p>
<p>Clarke hadn’t ever really been a believer in true love or the concept of soulmates, but as Bellamy kissed her for the first time, Clarke knew that she had found hers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it :) </p>
<p>Any kudos, comments, or bookmarks are greatly appreciated and make my entire day ♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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